I am old enough to be Chappell Roan’s mom. In February 1998, when she was born, I was in my senior year of college at UC San Diego. My 15 year old adores her. Watching parts of the recent VMAs made me feel like a great-grandma. What I am trying to say here is that I am NOT the target demographic.
But, I am also a queer woman, and a therapist who serves the LGBTQ+ community, who also happens to like pop music. So when Chappell’s meteoric rise began, and her songs started to come up in sessions (yes, that is totally a thing that happens in therapy), I figured I should acquaint myself with her music, asap.
When I first heard about it, “Good Luck, Babe” was specifically intriguing, because I myself had been “Babe” at times for a good portion of my life, until I fully came out about 10 years ago. Someone has a hit pop song about being a mostly-closeted gay woman’s lover? Fascinating. Tell me more.
I located Ms. Roan on Spotify and tapped play on the “popular” list to accompany my walk to the office. “Good Luck, Babe” and “HOT TO GO!” came first and second, both catchy and already familiar. Next came “Red Wine Supernova” and “Casual,” each of which grabbed me in my gut. I mean, it’s not that there aren’t artists making lesbian love (lust) songs out there already. But this is an extremely popular, Top40 pop artist singing “I’ve got a wand and a rabbit” to a woman who is her type, which is apparently “long hair, no bra.” Amazing.
Allow me to sound like the old lady I am for a moment: Chappell Roan represents the realization of queer-movement aspirations for many of us old ladies. For many GenZers, unapologetically existing in one’s identity is taken for granted, or is at least relatively commonplace. But, back in MY day (*waves cane*), we couldn’t just walk around singing about getting ”knee-deep in the passenger seat“ with another chick. I can clearly remember Ellen’s sitcom coming out and subsequent falling down – or rather, being taken down by the industry. When my high school was one of the first to have a GSA club (Gay-Straight Alliance) in the 90s, there were literal protests big enough that it made the Los Angeles Times.
(I was not in the GSA. I was not even out to myself in high school. I was a Christian, after all.)
So anyway, back to Chappell and me. As I’m arriving at my office, the playlist gets to “Pink Pony Club.” And somehow, I’m hearing this song for the first time. (Like I said, I’m not the target demo.) As the first verse builds up to the chorus, and the beat kicks in, so did… tears? I’m standing in my little therapy office, between my armchair and the couches, door shut, earbuds in, tears streaming down my face. Thankfully I had about 30 minutes before my first client.
Why the hell was this upbeat song about partying at a WeHo club making me cry?
I was grieving. There is a version of youth I did not get to have. Religion and compulsory heterosexuality had me confined, disconnected from myself, and afraid. The culture-at-large was different (as evidenced by above-referenced protests and sitcom stars). And I spent way too long being stuck in the muck of all of that. I grew up only about 50 miles from The Abbey, the stunning real-life gay bar that inspired ”Pink Pony Club.” I wish young Me could have said, ”I’m just having fun… it’s where I belong… I’m gonna keep on dancing.” I grieve what might have been if I’d been out as a young person.
And I was celebrating. There is a version of youth that kids today (*waves cane again*) will take for granted, and I’m so grateful to those who have made this possible. We have arrived in a time when this lesbian pop album can be a massive hit, because being queer is normalized. I know that’s not true for everyone everywhere, and I know things are not perfect. And, there is an open war on trans folks, and it’s fucking awful and I’m not dismissing or ignoring that. AND. We have come so far in my lifetime. Actual progress has happened. I was already well into my 20s when Madonna and Britney very scandalously kissed at the VMAs – and that event seemed more akin to your drunk straight friends tonguing in front of bros at a party than an actual sapphic moment. Now, Sabrina Carpenter makes out on stage with AlienGirl and no one blinks. In a time where so much is so awful, it really does give me hope.
So, Chappell took me on a bit of a journey that morning that I wasn’t prepared for. Don’t worry, I pulled myself together quickly so I was ready in time for my client. You also don’t need to worry that I’m going to become a weird middle-aged fangirl for Chappell. I’m sticking to my identity as a Little Monster™️, but I also won’t complain if my 15 year old wants us to get tickets for the Midwest Princess tour. I guess I’ll just HAVE to go.