Frequently Asked Questions

Comp het is the societal assumption that we are all straight (heterosexual) and cisgender until proven otherwise. It, in some cases, eliminates all other options by demonizing any hint of queerness or gender nonconformity. This assumption of straightness is pushed at us before we can even speak and then reinforced over and over again. It compels people to seek out and date their binary opposite gender even if it is not what they truly want, because it’s just the “normal” thing to do. Comp het is seen when parents talk to their AFAB daughters about their future husbands. It’s seen in the way media, like movies and tv shows, have historically portrayed sexuality, dating, and gender. In high-control religious environments, it can be especially insidious because of purity culture. That is, if you are taught to suppress or ignore all sexual feelings and behavior, it’s even harder to identify that you might be queer. Therapy can definitely be helpful in untangling and neutralizing the effects of compulsory heterosexuality.

Do you have a history of being part of fundamentalist or high-control religion? If you are a queer person, there is a higher-than-average chance you’ve experienced some negative residual effects. This is especially true if you were part of a religious environment that overtly condemned queer or trans people. 

Trauma is the long-lasting negative impact of distressing or disturbing experience(s). Religious trauma is usually complex trauma, which means you’ve experienced many difficult events or interactions which add up to traumatic effects.

Signs that you have experienced or are experiencing religious trauma include:

• Difficulty understanding and trusting your own thoughts and feelings
• Persistent fear of hell, even after you’ve deconstructed your beliefs
• Difficulty making decisions
• Flashbacks or nightmares about hell or rapture scenarios
• Intense discomfort with not having all the answers
• Sexual anxiety or confusion

EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a special therapeutic way to process trauma and painful or disturbing memories, resulting in far less emotional impact in the present. This can help you feel more calm, improve your sleep, and change your relationships. You can read more about it in my blog post here.

You don’t have to figure that out all on your own. It’s my (or another clinician’s) job to determine, with your input and collaboration, whether EMDR is an appropriate mode of treatment for your specific needs. (Click here to schedule a consult call to explore this further!)

EMDR was originally developed to treat trauma. If you have significant trauma, including complex, relational, or religious trauma, EMDR may be an effective treatment choice for you. EMDR can be helpful in a variety of other situations as well.

Not all clients like EMDR or want to engage in that type of therapy. EMDR focuses less on the day-to-day and is more structured. For people who are trying to sort through a current life situation, EMDR may not be the best choice.
Then again, sometimes our current problems and stressors are directly related to traumatic issues in our past. 

The best idea is to meet with a clinician to explore these details and nuances.

Therapy, when paying out of pocket (not using insurance), will usually cost anywhere from $150 to $250 per session.

Tara McGrath, LMFT, at this time charges $210 per 55 min session.

Your insurance may provide reimbursement for some or all of this cost. Please consult with your insurance provider for details. You can also use this calculator provided by Mentaya to find out more about your insurance benefits.

My practice is focused primarily on my fellow members of the LGBTQIA+ community. However, I do help folks of all identities and orientations, especially those who are dealing with religious trauma.

These letters represent different types of licenses that mental health clinicians can hold, and the different types of education and focus they had when they started their career. The bottom line is that any of these types of providers can be helpful to your problems. The most important things are whether they are competent in your area of need, their license is in good standing, they are ethical and respectful, and they feel like a good fit for you personally.

Don’t worry about this too much. The most important thing is that you can identify what you’re experiencing in your day to day life that feels like a problem. It’s okay to show up to therapy just saying you feel anxious, depressed, etc. A therapist can help ask the right questions to explore what needs to be discussed.

Send me your question in the contact form. Or, let’s schedule a no-obligation phone consult. Hit the button below!