What is Compulsory Heterosexuality? Compulsory heterosexuality is the societal expectation and assumption that you are (and will be) cisgender and heterosexual. We experience pressure to be cisgender and heterosexual (cishet) before we even know what that means. We learn, before we can even put it into words, that cishet is the “right” way to be.…
It’s rough out there, folks. Of course, it’s been rough for a while here in the US, if you are anything besides a white, cishet man. It’s especially frightening right now for the targets of those in power: immigrants (or anyone who “looks like” they could be an immigrant) and trans people. (Let’s acknowledge that…
I am all for using the new year as a fresh start. Since many of us have a little down time leading up to New Year’s Day, it’s a welcome chance to rest, reflect, and consider what we might like to accomplish in 2026. What I don’t love is burdening ourselves with the expectation of…
We Need To Talk About Friend Break-ups and Losses We don’t talk about friend break-ups enough. There are two reasons I want to discuss it here. First, losing a friend can be just as devastating as the end of a romantic relationship, and sometimes even more so. Second, it’s important to know you are allowed…
A support group (or group therapy) is not usually the first thing we think of when seeking help for our mental health. I get it – it can feel very vulnerable and risky to bring your personal pain and struggle to a room (or virtual room) full of strangers. Other concerns I’ve heard include, “I…
You’ve made it through the minefield that is the family holiday season. 2025 is arriving, and as usual, everywhere you go (physically or virtually) you’re told that January’s start must usher in a fresh, new beginning for you as well. Soon, the gyms will be packed, spending will be low, sobriety will be high (pun…
Is your family one that is just super accepting, emotionally mature, and celebrates you exactly as you are as a queer person/ Oh. Hmm no? Not so much? It would be nice if we all were lucky enough to have that kind of family to visit for the holidays. You probably have one friend who…
Someone pissed me off on my neighborhood walk this morning. Here’s the scenario: I’m walking alone down the sidewalk, and I come up against three people walking at me side-by-side-by-side, rudely taking up the entire sidewalk, as if we are playing a game of Red Rover and they’re daring me to crash through their people-chain.…
It’s a common question to be asked: What is your approach in therapy? With me, therapy is a conversation. I don’t usually follow a strict formula or format, and my approach is always collaborative. I have had an eclectic two-decade career with all sorts of experiences and trainings, and I’ve integrated all of this learning…
What does it mean when we have internalized homophobia? When someone internalizes their family’s, religion’s, or culture’s negative attitudes and beliefs about being queer, this results in feelings of shame, guilt, and self-hatred. It is a common side effect of being raised in evangelical purity culture. When someone is raised in a high-control religion, they…