It’s a common question to be asked: What is your approach in therapy?
With me, therapy is a conversation. I don’t follow a strict formula or format, and my approach is collaborative.
I have had an eclectic two-decade career with all sorts of experiences and trainings, and I’ve integrated all of this learning into what I do today. I also never stop learning. I’m always reading or listening to something to expand my knowledge base or broaden my perspective.
You will see some therapists advertise themselves as specific types – somatic, CBT, EMDR, IFS, etc. And I am in no way disparaging any of these specialized approaches; some of it is very effective, especially for specific issues. But sticking to one thing just isn’t me. (I can also tell you that some – not all, but some – of these things move in trends. Some of what is hot now in therapy will almost certainly be uncool – or repackaged under a new name – in 15-20 years.)
That said, here are my areas of focus in my approach:
- I take time to get to know you, your history, your life, and what you want/need out of therapy. This also gives you a chance to feel comfortable with me, and for me to earn a little bit of your trust. Our relationship is the most important factor in therapy. Everything else is secondary.
- Self-compassion work. It’s hard to work on anything else if you are convinced you need to “just get over it” or that you don’t deserve help. This can include a broad variety of topics, including grief work, learning how your brain works, or practicing self-talk.
- Systemic recognition. This technically can fall under self-compassion, but it’s important for you to know that I don’t expect you to simply positive-think or bootstrap your way out of religious/organizational trauma, systemic racism, transphobia/homophobia, sexism and misogyny, and capitalist oppression, to name a few. Are we powerless to change our lives? No, but it’s helpful to recognize the parts that are outside of our control.
- Learning to take care of yourself – emotionally, and sometimes physically. Examples: Learning self-soothing and calming skills, mental skills to quiet negativity, learning to prioritize basic self-care like sleep and food, and looking at imbalanced substance use.
- Connecting with others. Or, finding out what’s in the way of connecting with others (see self-compassion work and self-soothing) and moving past it. Being connected with others is fundamental to our mental and physical health. This may involve learning communication skills, learning to set and keep boundaries, and understanding your childhood and family of origin.
- Identifying where you want to go (goals) based on what is most important to you (values). What do you want to change, and why do the things you want to change matter to you?
This list is not exhaustive, but I think it provides a useful peek into what therapy with me is like. If you have questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out.