A support group (or group therapy) is not usually the first thing we think of when seeking help for our mental health.
I get it – it can feel very vulnerable and risky to bring your personal pain and struggle to a room (or virtual room) full of strangers. Other concerns I’ve heard include, “I don’t know if I want to listen to other people’s problems,” “What if I don’t fit in?” and, “I just prefer to have one-on-one help.” These are perfectly valid sentiments, some of which I’d like to address below.
First I want to be clear: I’m not arguing that groups are a proper substitute for individual therapy, because they aren’t. They’re a different thing altogether; a group can be a potent supplement to individual therapy but it’s not a replacement. For some people, groups are contraindicated (i.e. clinically, speaking, a bad idea) entirely. But, for some situations, a group might actually be a more effective option than one-on-one. My colleague Kit Morgan, LCSW, refers to groups like these as “collective care,” and for me that conjures a warm image of people gathering together to hold me up with concern, kindness, and support. In some circumstances, this is truly what we need.
Groups aren’t for everyone, but they’re for more of us than we realize.
If you are hesitant about trying a group, here are some things I want you to consider.
- You can give it a try. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back. You’ve lost an hour or two of your time, which is a bummer, but let’s face it, we have all wasted that much time on less meaningful things. What if it’s really helpful? What if you’re avoiding something that could really make a difference in how you feel? You’ll never know without showing up.
- (There are some types of therapy groups that may ask for your commitment on the front end for a specific number of sessions. Talk with the facilitator about your concerns and ask about their policies.)
- You probably won’t need to, but you can literally just leave the meeting. If you’re worried and anxious about how you’re going to feel, or who’s going to be there, this is a great thing to remember. Give yourself permission to do this, if it helps you try things. For online meetings, this is extremely simple. Just click the button and – TA DA! – it’s done. You never have to see any of those people ever again. But even in person, no one can stop you from standing up and walking out of a room. Make up an excuse, if you want to, and walk out the door. Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back for making the effort.
- People have more in common with one another than we like to admit. Our individualism is overblown. We like to believe we’re so unique and special that no one can POSSIBLY understand us! But that’s a pretty lonely way to exist, and it’s just not that true. In support groups, you’ll find that a sixty-something ex-Marine truck driver dude and a nonbinary GenZ software engineer can connect over their experiences of grief and panic attacks. And that connection can be incredibly healing.
- Hearing from “regular” people can be powerful. A group of average folks can be more assuring and validating than hearing from a therapist. I can try to validate your feelings and normalize your experience all day long, and it will probably help somewhat. But if 5 other people – who don’t really have any incentive to try to make you feel better – are all saying, “OMG ME TOO!” when you are bravely sharing your thoughts and feelings, that’s extremely powerful. You can’t get that from a therapist.
- Many heads are better than one. We therapists have education, experience, training, laws we follow, and our codes of ethics. But each of us is still merely a limited, flawed human. I know stuff, but there is so much I don’t know. Someone in a group might bring up a book I’ve never read, or an org I’ve never heard of, or come up with a novel way to solve a problem.
- Now more than ever, we need connection and community. For so many reasons, we’re collectively lonelier and more isolated. We used to exist in tribes, or small towns, or big extended families. We humans are wired for community, because we need groups to survive. We can find community at work, going to school, playing sports, volunteering or joining a knitting circle, to name a few examples. If you don’t currently have connection and community in that way, you might benefit from joining a therapy/support group. Eventually, you may find something else to join out in the world, but a more formal group might be a safe place to start.
(I have a therapeutic support group on Mondays at 4:30pm for LGBTQ+ folks in California. If you’re interested, get in touch!)
I hope you’ll have an open mind and heart when it comes to groups. Whether it’s 12-Step (like AA), a grief support group, a religious trauma therapy group, or something else, at least consider the option. It’s okay to feel anxious. When in doubt, remember #1 and #2 above!