What is Compulsory Heterosexuality? Essentially, it’s the societal expectation and assumption that you are (and will be) cisgender and heterosexual. We experience the accompanying pressure to be cisgender and heterosexual (cishet) before we even know what that means. We learn, before we can even put it into words, that cishet is the “right” way to…
Some of us figure out who we are when we are well into adulthood. Others of us knew all along we were different, but didn’t feel we could come out sooner. Regardless of the reasons, let’s talk about why coming out in your 30s and 40s (or later) is so different from coming out in…
It’s rough out there, folks. Of course, it’s been rough for a while here in the US, if you are anything besides a white, cishet man. It’s especially frightening right now for the targets of those in power: immigrants (or anyone who “looks like” they could be an immigrant) and trans people. (Let’s acknowledge that…
I am all for using the new year as a fresh start. Since many of us have a little down time leading up to New Year’s Day, it’s a welcome chance to rest, reflect, and consider what we might like to accomplish in 2026. What I don’t love is burdening ourselves with the expectation of…
This time of year is ROUGH for some of us queer and trans folks. I am sure I don’t need to tell you that you’re not the only one who might be struggling. Maybe it’s because you’re not going to see family at all, but maybe it’s because you ARE seeing your family. For queer…
It’s Saturday afternoon, and my wife has put on the Lilith Fair documentary. On one hand, it’s a big hot mug of warm nostalgia featuring beloved artists from my young adult years – Sarah McLauchlan, Lisa Loeb (huge crush), and Natalie Merchant, to name a few. And also, it has tapped into a well of…
How do you find a queer therapist in California? Here, you’ve found a great queer therapist. But if I said that Tara McGrath, LMFT is the best LGBTQ+ therapist in the entire state of California, that would be a pretty bold statement, right? It also can’t really be true. “Who is the best?” is actually…
What is a “secular” therapist? And why should you care? Approximately 80% of Americans believe in a supernatural god of some kind. So, there is a good chance that any given therapist is religious or spiritual in some way. A secular therapist is one who clearly identifies they do not include spiritual or religious practices in…
Where do you start when you’ve decided to see a therapist. People often turn to their health insurance for lists of providers. But, is that the best way to go? It’s generally true that a session with an insurance therapist may be the cheaper option. Often you’ll pay just a co-pay, approximately $10 to $40…
We Need To Talk About Friend Break-ups and Losses We don’t talk about friend break-ups enough. There are two reasons I want to discuss it here. First, losing a friend can be just as devastating as the end of a romantic relationship, and sometimes even more so. Second, it’s important to know you are allowed…