Many folks experiencing religious trauma also have problems with high levels of anxiety. But not all anxiety is caused by religious trauma, and not all anxiety is bad.
Let’s start by taking a look at the definition and function of anxiety.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety, in the most general sense, is a normal human emotion. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines anxiety as
An emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tension in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune.
When we feel anxious, it’s because, on some level, we are anticipating danger or the possibility of serious problems. Everyone feels anxious sometimes. Even though some of our anxiety seems strange because we know we aren’t in actual danger, usually we can follow the thread to deep concerns about safety. Money anxiety is actually about safety; whether it’s about trying to keep a roof over your head, or worrying about whether you’ll have enough funds to be “safe” in the future. Social anxiety is also about safety; humans evolved in groups and have always required cooperation with one another to survive. Social exile used to mean almost-certain death. In modern society, we may not actually need the approval of the person standing in front of us, but our wiring tells us that we desperately do. Anxiety is what has kept the human race going for thousands and thousands of years. We can’t get rid of it, and we wouldn’t want to.
We often experience anxiety in our bodies. This can manifest as neck and shoulder tension, weird feelings in our gut, jaw-clenching, feeling restless, and more. You’ve probably heard of “fight, flight or freeze” as a response to threat. Anxiety is the anticipatory version. Our ancestors managed to stay alive because of anxiety. For example, you may not be faced with a lion attack right now, but when you’re out on the savannah something may be telling you that the lions might show up at any time. Your body is getting ready for action, since your brain is saying, “Any minute now, we’re going to be attacked!”
What Is An Anxiety Disorder?
As you know, sometimes anxiety can be more than just an occasional emotion. The APA has several labels and diagnoses for anxiety problems, including Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and more. I’m not going to get into the details of the various diagnoses here. Some relevant questions to consider are 1) are your anxiety symptoms disproportionate to what is actually happening, and 2) whether you feel your anxiety symptoms are interfering with your ability to function and enjoy your life.
Most people experience disproportionate anxiety at times. Maybe you get extremely nervous over a first date, or you worry excessively about a project at work. These are common human experiences. At this level, stress management and calming techniques may be enough to reduce any unpleasant symptoms.
For some people, anxiety symptoms can be nearly constant, regardless of what is actually happening in life. This ongoing tension and worry can be exhausting and can cause problems with sleep, appetite, relationships, and more. For some people, the anxiety may be intermittent, but when it happens it’s extreme. Anxiety can take the form of a panic attack, which is a severe and sudden wave of fear accompanied by physical symptoms (heart pounding, sweating, shaking, etc.). These terrifying attacks can be triggered by something quite minor, and often seem like they come out of nowhere. It’s very common for someone having their first panic attack to call 911 or go to the emergency room because they think they’re having a heart attack.
Now that we understand a little more about anxiety, let’s take a look at anxiety in the context of religious trauma.
How Does Religious Trauma Affect Anxiety Problems?
Religious trauma can occur when a person’s ability to cope and find safety is overwhelmed by a religious environment. There are several ways that anxiety problems can occur when someone has experienced religious trauma. Here are a few:
- Social/interpersonal anxiety
- Sexual anxiety
- Excessive anxiety about “doing the right thing”
- Hell or rapture anxiety
- Extreme anxiety about unknowns or ambiguity
- Body/weight anxiety
- Vague, free-floating anxiety
- Anxiety about “not having life figured out” or being “behind” in life
Let’s take a look at just a few of these in more detail.
Religious Trauma and Social/Interpersonal Anxiety
Religious trauma is, by and large, a relational type of trauma. That is, it’s not trauma from something like a car crash or an explosion. It’s a form of Complex PTSD, which usually occurs as a result of multiple, repeated events over time. For example, you probably won’t have trauma from an isolated incident in which a parent says something disparaging to you, but if they say it every day, that can leave its mark, and feel impossible to cope with as a child.
Religious trauma almost by definition occurs in a social context, since religion is an organized social expression of beliefs, practices and rituals. Many of the adverse experiences that RT sufferers have endured were interpersonal. Examples include emotional abuse by parents, public shaming, shunning, or personal exploitation of time/money/energy. These experiences can impact our expectations of the social world at a deep level, especially if they happened in childhood. We learn we must be perfect, or we can be punished harshly. We learn that in order to be good, we must give everything we can and never complain. We learn that people are forced out of their community – and even family – for not doing things the “right” way.
Even though we may understand on an intellectual level that these standards don’t apply in our current relationships or social environments, we may react as if they do. This is where anxiety can be disproportionate to reality due to religious trauma.
Religious Trauma and Sexual Anxiety
If you experienced a religious environment that embraced purity culture in one of its many forms, there is a fair chance you’ve had to cope with some anxiety around sex. In purity culture, one is expected to completely avoid all sexual activity until entering a (heterosexual) marriage. Then once married, one is expected to be enthusiastically all-in on sex with their spouse. But it’s pretty difficult to repress and demonize all your sexual energy for your entire life and then expect to just access it without issue on a wedding-day pivot. When you’ve heard – and believed – that being sexual is bad, a huge part of you is still internally screaming, “THIS IS BAD!!!” when you’re finally ready to engage in sex. This dissonance can generate a lot of anxiety.
Additionally, if your sexual orientation and/or gender doesn’t fit the cishet profile, you may have been taught that you have sinful desires. You may have endured efforts to straighten you out through counseling, camps, or group accountability. Even if you were the only one who knew about your thoughts and feelings, existing with the belief that you’re literally going to experience eternal damnation for something you can’t control (being queer or trans) is torture. One can see how this can create lingering anxiety around sex.
Religious Trauma and Anxiety About Being “Behind” In Life
High-control religions (HCRs) and fundamentalist religions usually have very clear expectations for one’s life path. Young people in these environments often marry earlier than the general population. (If you’re saving sex for marriage, getting married young becomes much more appealing.) They are more likely to follow a traditional set of life steps – get married, buy a home, have children – and sometimes these steps are all completed before their late 20s. HCRs have some very clear rules and guidelines about what is right and wrong, what is most important, and how you should and shouldn’t behave. HCRs provide a highly-structured framework, without a lot of wiggle room. It’s restrictive, but it’s also easy to assess whether you’re doing everything the “right” way.
What happens when you deconstruct and/or deconvert, and all of that structure and rule stuff doesn’t apply anymore? It can be very unsettling. You may have spent your whole life “knowing” the “right” set of rules, answers, values, and directions, but now it’s all gone. Is it freeing? It can be. It can also be wildly anxiety-provoking.
When you deconstruct the rigid rules and expectations, you may find yourself making big changes after you’re well into adulthood. This can look like:
- a break up or divorce
- coming out as queer or trans
- dating for the first time
- changing careers
- selling a home or moving to a new area
Dealing with any of these situations is already stressful, but the anxiety can be exacerbated by our own self-judgment that we are “behind” in life and therefore damaged or less-than. This can also include the fear that others will judge us for having these changes in our history. I’ve heard clients use words like “failure,” “loser,” and “childish.” On some level, these folks are measuring themselves by the old perfectionistic yardstick of their former religious environment. A self-compassion practice, while exploring your true values and desires, can be helpful.
Are you interested in getting relief from your religious-trauma-related anxiety? Click here to schedule a consult call today.